Learning about Myself

The last year has taught me much about myself. Wanna know what they are? Here we go:

- I'm not nearly as tough as I thought I was...in fact, I have discovered I'm not tough at all.

- I really want someone to defend and protect me fiercely. Thankfully, God keeps directing me back to His heart towards me in this. But sometimes, it'd be nice to have Jesus with skin on (and lately, my dear brother is doing a grand job)

- I'm a music lover, always have been. But whether discovering what it means to love someone, or be broken by someone, I've learned that music is like the tears I cry...the tangible evidence of what I'm feeling.

- Coffee is essential. And I like my coffee strong, earthy and yummy. Iced, hot, whatever. I can't go without it.

- That it's ok for you to be happy because of a person. It's just not ok to depend on that for your joy. And I've learned and am learning how to do that.

- When I give in to how I feel, it's no small feat and it's an all-in kind of surrender. When I love, I love big. When I grieve, I grieve big. There is no halfway in my heart, I've discovered.

- My brain doesn't really turn off, because even when I go to sleep, I keep on processing...and it causes me nightmares.

- Because of the way my heart and mind work (see previous two comments), if I did not have Jesus as an anchor and His word as the truth that washes my mind and heart twice or more daily, I would not just drown in my own grief, but chances are I'd want to jump off a cliff.

- I've learned to trust God on whole new levels that I never even knew was possible. And been free to express my desires without greedy hands.

- That I've grown more and more in belief in God's goodness and faithfulness.

- Laundry day is a day so loved by me, that I am almost selfish in my setting aside of.

- That I truly do get the honor of hearing God's voice and I'm not wrong when I hear it, because there were a few weeks when I questioned it. I know what God speaks to my heart and I will not relent in belief in His words to me. But my hope is not in the fulfillment of that...it's in HIM.

- That my physical well-being is deeply connected to my emotional health.

- I've cried more in the last two months than I have in probably the last 30 years. But I'm ok with that. I'm learning that tears are good. And it's ok for me to be sad.

- I've learned that I'm super sensitive. Emotions are raw and my heart is literally sitting in my outstretched hands for anyone to take a slice at. That is a truth. But, the cool thing is, I'm ok with that.

There's more...but this is just a brief snap shot of things I've learned and am learning...


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