Is that title a Jesus Juke? Maybe.

What I do know is that this week, I was slapped around by a 2x4 of truth doses from some of my most trusted and loved 'truth smackers' - these are the people that tell me the truth about myself with no holds barred. Often, I need that, I need a perspective not my own that grabs the derailed trains of thought and puts them back on the right track.

This week, the most important piece of truth to come by way "Walk in God-confidence. It's what he saw in you when met you, not this other crap you've been doing." -- Slam. Another important moment "If God is calling you to something, it's going to be to get up and MOVE out of what's comfortable" -- Slam again. "Stop assuming the worst. It's doing nothing but causing you unnecessary pain. Just trust God" -- Slam again. and finally, "Trusting God first and foremost will help you trust people better." -- Final resounding slam.

Truth is, I struggle with confidence, because I struggle with trusting men, because I struggle with letting go of control...because I struggle ultimately in not trusting God. It's safe and comfortable to hold men at bay and close them off when it appears they're going to hurt me. In my head, I can control a situation better than the other person...and ultimately, I am so flippin' arrogant to not Trust God with all of that.

But God...in His infinite wisdom has called me OUT of all of that. He's called me to rest my confidence and security in Him alone. Not in what someone thinks of me (even if it has the chance to wreck someone else's opinion of me). He's called me let go of control of this relationship and let Him control it (Probably a far better solution, considering the fact that I'd probably mess it up royally if left to my own devices, I've come dangerously close to doing so already). He's called me to Trust this man...and be vulnerable and open with him like I have not really done before. And that's scary. But, I've also been called to lay aside my fear - because perfect love casts out fear....and I want to be perfected in love, and so I want to let go of the fear. It's all out of my 'comfort zone' -- what you might even call my 'pride zone' - cuz really, comfort zones are just areas of selfishness, arrogance and pride.

All of these things smack of pride. How could I not see it before? Arrogance with a capital A. And so...again, I lay on my feet wasted of myself and resting in a bigger Grace than I can fathom. Yes, I want God-fidence. That's what I want...I don't want this other crap. Rid me of myself...and all that entails. If I'm being called into these places, I'm going to go...full throttle, but only in the confidence that God gives me and none of myself.



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