Sunday, February 20, 2011

30 Ways to Procrastinate in Grad School

In my undergraduate days, I became quite adept at procrastinating. Living on campus helped of course because I could always find people to distract me in the hallways, student lounges and simply drive off campus to destroy what little sanity I was holding onto by a shred. Tonight, though I am bringing to you, a Grad School edition of How to Procrastinate, Amanda-Style because I have a paper due tomorrow and I'm running low on inspiration.

30 Ways to Procrastinate in Grad School:

1) Make a grocery list and 'run to the store' to pick up said items like a jar of pickles and a bag of pita chips - because you cannot really work on school work without those kinds of snacks.
2) Forget the things you needed from the store that were actually essential (i.e. Toilet Paper) and drive out of the parking lot only to return two minutes later to the grocery store line.
3) Text message all your friends and see who will respond to a baited text conversation to distract you.
4) Make a spectacularly awesome sandwich, eat it and watch Shutter Wars' most recent episodes again just cuz you want to be all like "I know her!!!" when Crystal George comes on screen.
5) Check your facebook 56,574 times for that one comment that might make your day but will never come. Close the internet window down to "get some work done" and two seconds later open it back up and check your facebook for the 56,575th time.
6) Twitter. Need I say more?
7) Go through your sock drawer to make sure all socks are paired properly.
8) Organize and Categorize your real library, then turn to your e-library and try to do the same.
9) Stare longingly at the novel you want to read instead of writing this blasted paper, pick it up, caress it lovingly and put it back down on the table.
10) Think of a way to instantly chill the Diet Jones Soda sitting on the desk you want to drink.
11) Read the News on FoxNews, AP News, BBC News, & Yahoo! News affiliates just to be sure they're all telling the same story.
12) Try to find as many awesome covers of classic songs on YouTube as humanly possible.
12) While looking for said awesome covers, you stumble across "better off dead" in it's entirety on YouTube (or some equally awesome 80's flick) and watch four of the 27 2 mintues clips, hence wasting a total of 6 minutes...or more...
13)Go to the kitchen just to evaluate the state of the refrigerator, even though you are not really hungry, just in need of something to do.
14) Talk to Mom & Dad in the living room about...rainbows and lucky charms.
15) Get caught up in a documentary they are watching about the best movie of the year....and then startle yourself awake and decide you must get to work after all...
16) Sit back down with the laptop, staring blankly at a word processing screen full of words...and...
17) Check your facebook for the 56,576th time.
18) Hope against hope that someone Instant Messages you to kill another hour or so...
19) Count out how many chocolate covered pretzels there are left in the box on the table...
20) Look people on up twitter, choose three new followers and find yourself looking at Mariah Carey's twitter account for some odd reason...
21)Wonder if there's a better way to organize your DVD's than just plain alphabetization...and begin mulling a new categorization system.
22) Spin the remaining Jones bottle caps on the coffee table to see which one will stop first...
23) Do that again because you're conducting scientific research here....
24) Contemplate making your bed that is still unmade from the morning's early wake up call...and decide against it because that's a bit too much like productivity and we all know that once we get that rolling....
25) Find and read random articles about last week's news because you need to "catch up."
26) Try to decide what kind of music you'd like to listen to while you work on this paper...
27) Decide there's no playlist suitable for the daunting task ahead and so you create a new playlist in iTunes, which easily takes an hour because you have to sample each song to make sure it's perfect study music...
28) Check this week's calendar to figure out what day you're free to make fun of Lady GaGa (everyday) and have coffee with that person who you still need to catch up with from 5 months ago...
29) Contemplate running around the block to get your adrenaline pulsing so you can start working...
30) Decide against running and write a blog about procrastination instead.

And now...I really must go pretend to be interested in writing a school paper....Procrastinators unite....maybe later...

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