Holiday Aches & Pains
Thanksgiving is tomorrow.
More family holiday time is coming.
It's busy - events every week from now until the end of the year.
But blended families have hard things ahead.
Step Mamas, Divorced Dads & Moms, Kids with multiple parents' homes to choose between.
Kids don't want to disappoint anyone, they don't want to let them down. They want it to be easy, but it's not. Blended families survive through the holidays, and have a hard time celebrating sometimes.
And then there's the court order. It says "get along and split the time equally" -- and it doesn't happen. Inevitably the custodial parent has manipulative power to make the kid feel guilty for not being with them on the holiday. Or manages to steal the holiday from the other parent. It's manipulation, it's painful, it's emotional assault and hurtful to those left to suffer without their kids on special days of the year.
And you may be pragmatic and think "well, just celebrate on a different day." But honestly, that's a little heartless and not empathetic. Yes, we do celebrate on other days - but it isn't quite the same when you hoped to have your family together and a missing piece is there. Or when you don't get "Christmas morning" anymore or the tradition you hoped to keep gets skipped because someone slides along and steals it.
As a step mom, I have powered through the last three years of "sharing" holidays - and I promise it's not shared....because our situation allows for custodial parent to dictate it all and we don't get to be with our son for any Christmas morning, any thanksgiving in full. "Pick up at 6pm" on Christmas Day or 3pm Thanksgiving -- yeah that's a great split of a holiday...because it's not at all. So we plaster the fake smile, the fake attempt to make things joyful but deep inside, it stings to be with our family and only have him part of the day or not at all (like Thanksgiving this year) and feel like our left arm is missing. Because, a part of our little world IS missing.
So today, this holiday season - I'm asking you - if you're of the praying kind, the empathetic people - pray. Pray for blended families.
More family holiday time is coming.
It's busy - events every week from now until the end of the year.
But blended families have hard things ahead.
Step Mamas, Divorced Dads & Moms, Kids with multiple parents' homes to choose between.
Kids don't want to disappoint anyone, they don't want to let them down. They want it to be easy, but it's not. Blended families survive through the holidays, and have a hard time celebrating sometimes.
And then there's the court order. It says "get along and split the time equally" -- and it doesn't happen. Inevitably the custodial parent has manipulative power to make the kid feel guilty for not being with them on the holiday. Or manages to steal the holiday from the other parent. It's manipulation, it's painful, it's emotional assault and hurtful to those left to suffer without their kids on special days of the year.
And you may be pragmatic and think "well, just celebrate on a different day." But honestly, that's a little heartless and not empathetic. Yes, we do celebrate on other days - but it isn't quite the same when you hoped to have your family together and a missing piece is there. Or when you don't get "Christmas morning" anymore or the tradition you hoped to keep gets skipped because someone slides along and steals it.
As a step mom, I have powered through the last three years of "sharing" holidays - and I promise it's not shared....because our situation allows for custodial parent to dictate it all and we don't get to be with our son for any Christmas morning, any thanksgiving in full. "Pick up at 6pm" on Christmas Day or 3pm Thanksgiving -- yeah that's a great split of a holiday...because it's not at all. So we plaster the fake smile, the fake attempt to make things joyful but deep inside, it stings to be with our family and only have him part of the day or not at all (like Thanksgiving this year) and feel like our left arm is missing. Because, a part of our little world IS missing.
So today, this holiday season - I'm asking you - if you're of the praying kind, the empathetic people - pray. Pray for blended families.
- Pray for Moms who want to hold the full holiday time over a Dad with no ability to say to be soft hearted and think about more than herself. Pray that there's a kindness towards the ex spouse as a parent of the child they both love & want to celebrate.
- Pray for Dads who hurt to miss their kid(s) on holidays and are gracious to not argue when things happen. Pray for soft hearts & for the hurt to turn to anger, bitterness or resentment.
- Pray for Kids - oh pray for our kids. Pray that they will free of the manipulations, the guilt, shame, struggle of feeling like they are disappointing anyone. Pray that their holidays skate by and all the hurt of missing Dad or Mom or missing family time with their other family is minimal.
- Pray for Step Brothers/Sisters - that they don't feel their holiday/family time is stolen amid all the struggle, that they feel special and get to celebrate fun holiday and not resent their step-siblings.
- Pray for StepMoms & Dads' hearts as we watch our spouse hurt, be used, mistreated and put down upon continually. Pray for her heart as she/he may feel stolen holidays, for the continual need to let go of resentment and bitterness in the midst of this season.
- Pray for the family holiday time to be peaceful, joyful & genuinely happy. There's usually a lot of holiday baggage for blended families - memories of soured holidays, fights, disappointments, etc.
- Pray for the extended family and friends who don't know how to help best, that they can support and love everyone as best as they can.
- Pray that the heartless, negative attitudes of well-meaning friends & family would be limited and that they remember that negativity just mars holidays no matter how it plays out.
And finally
- Pray to see needs to reach into - emotionally, physically, etc to support those blended families, step mamas, bio moms, bio dads, step dads and kids.
It's a hard time of year for a lot of people, but this year, would you keep your eyes open for Blended Families? They need you too - and probably aren't saying much about it.
xo.
~a~
xo.
~a~
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