Saturday, May 5, 2012

30 Days of Gratitude 1.4 & 1.5

Again, I had a couple of days that suspended me writing about gratitude. The biggest thing preventing me was a ginormous paper on Holocaust and Memory as History. (exciting stuff, huh?) But I did take steps of gratitude. 


The days have mushed together so I'm just going to pick up the last couple of days in a conglomeration of thankfuls. I'll pick up again tomorrow Sunday the 6th with a "day 6" post. I figure I might be able to keep track if I make the days of this challenge and the days of the month match. :) 


~ Wednesday was a hard day. Just difficult and hard on my heart. The wounds of a heart don't heal over night. And while, most days are good, there's a stray thought, some stray anger, and some hurt that creeps up with a baseball bat. I'm going to say though, that I'm thankful for that. It means I feel, and am not stone hearted. I'm also thankful that it's not a constant or life-swallowing sorrow. The pain and the stab of words said, actions done, and other things to my tender heart come back and push in the sore spots. Maybe it's normal. Maybe it's the enemy poking those sore spots to make me less useful. All I know is that I'm thankful for either of those things. Normal is good. The Enemy poking at me is a good thing too. So I'm thankful for those sad days.

~ On those days, I love that I received encouragement from people I didn't expect. Whether via text, or a Facebook post, or a song on the radio, or a mix cd I made myself...I was flooded over. And then there was the email from my best friend that reminded me who God thinks I am, who loves me, who won't let me go, and never will betray, lie or take the love I have for Him and mock it or take it for granted. My gentle and tender heart needed those words. Words that I rarely get told - that emphasize my value. I am beloved, cherished, loved, precious, lovely, endeared, and held as a treasure. That, I could not be more thankful for.

~ Thursday I sat at my computer all day. I was finishing paper 2 of 3 for the semester. And in brilliant fashion, I finished just a scant few hours before my own personal deadline. Exciting! I was thankful for the strength of mind and ability God gave me to finish that paper well. And I was ever so thankful to finish the edits on Friday morning and turn that sucker in. Hallelujah!

~ Why the personal deadline? I had a date! My brother had texted me over the weekend and asked me to go see the Avengers movie at midnight on Thursday night. I was thrilled! It was going to be my reward for finishing the paper and break before I embarked on the next one. I was thankful for a brother who knew I needed a bright spot in the week. I am thankful for a super-fun movie that I will see again. I am thankful for the friends who rejoiced with me while I waited in line. I was thankful for the jokes about the Big Bang Theory characters and the nerd we saw around us. It was fun brother date and a fun movie!

~ Friday I got called in for a 2nd interview at a job I'm hoping works out. Hoping that works out, but regardless, I was thankful for the opportunity.

~ Did I mention I turned in my paper on Friday? I Was soooooo thankful for that. I took the rest of the day off of my computer just to decompress. I was thankful that I had the opportunity to have a breather.

~ My parents arrived home after 3 weeks away. I was so thankful to see their faces, hug them, get a night's rest with others in my house. It has been a lonely 3 weeks amid all the endless revelations that kept coming wore on me. Yet, I found out I was strong enough to survive it on my own, but man, I am thankful I won't be alone for awhile. I was thankful my parents are still around, supportive and even though they are exhausted and worn from the travel back, I'm thankful they are safe, home and resting.

~ My friends never cease to me the way that they love me. Texts, emails, fb posts, twitter, whatever....they use every means possible to make sure I know I'm loved, special, treasured and not alone. This three weeks would NOT have been the same without my army of support. Some close in distance, others far, but I'm thankful in ways i can't express for each of them.

~ Maybe it's the anger that simmers slightly on the back burner still (yes I'm dealing, but not sinning in the anger to revenge or bitterness), but the last few days have made me feel the rocking out kind of tunes. Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, etc. And there really isn't much that gets me hyped up like a nice guitar-shredding solo. I'm thankful for the way there's music for just about every mood ever. And that's a good, therapeutic thing to listening to angry guitar shredding. Thankful that I have big brothers who taught me good tunes.

~ I read this the other day on Pintrest and it reminded me of this challenge and a phrase I utter frequently. "It's all about perspective." I love the way that Thankfulness and Gratitude can change your perspective. Positivity is really and truly about your perspective. I'm thankful that in my 32 years, God has shown this lesson to me over and over again. Wallow or get up, dust yourself off and move. I prefer the latter.




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