Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Stray Thoughts

-- All my little girl dreams have died. I realized it last night. I don't dream about what my wedding will look like anymore. I don't imagine a pretty white dress with me in it or the big festivities anymore. I miss those days when I still had those little girl dreams. I'm not sure how to get them back, or if I ever will.

-- Tonight, I am listening to some Marc Anthony sing in Spanish. Sometimes, it's comforting to hear that language in ways I cannot explain or even understand myself.

-- Missing someone is supposed to go away. I was told it would ease over time. Every single person who said that lied. Or doesn't have a clue. It hasn't gone away, lessened or changed. Not even a small bit. I'm convinced after this amount of time that it probably never will. A friend once told me that you never really stop missing someone who leaves your life, but that you just adjust to the hole in your heart being there. That's a good way of describing it.

-- Sometimes driving home requires turning up the radio, rolling down the windows and enjoying a late summer evening. The last few times I've driven home this week have been that. I am so enraptured by where I live, the contentment in my heart these days, and the glory of summer evenings in Virginia as the sun sets behind the Blue Ridge Mountains....

-- The thought of fall thrills me like nothing else. I'm looking forward to pulling out my hoodies, taking walks on trails and mountains to see fall splendor and feel the crispy air whip my hair and brighten my cheeks to a happy, girlish pink.

-- Listened to the Tangled soundtrack a bit yesterday. "I See the Light" came on and my heart ached for the nights I sang that, had it sung to my heart & when my belief in fairy tale like love was waking up. That song will always represent a season when God woke my heart up to life again. I prayed on my way home that he would do that again. It'd be nice for my heart to sing like that again.

-- God has blessed me exceedingly and abundantly more than I could expect this week. Three job offers, and opportunities to be blessed with school-tuition remission with one (praying this one works out), and a whole load of awesome that comes with that. I'm so blessed and He is so faithful to take care of me.

--  When I see young girls indulging in the Venti or Trenta drinks at Starbucks, I wonder if they know how much sugar and calories they are consuming that will catch up with them? I also wonder if they realize how much money they are throwing away, as each of those drinks cost nearly ten dollars a pop at this point. It is why I stopped drinking specialty lattes and stick to just coffee. Cheaper, and just as tasty. My older self has come to just want a cup of coffee, thank you, very much.

-- When my first two school books arrived last week, I nearly danced I was so excited. I'm such a nerd. But I love getting books in the mail. They make me so very happy. :)

-- I need a hair cut. I'm contemplating drastic....but then I know I probably won't - I just really want my hair back. The thick, lovely locks that I had once. Now it's all scraggly and kind of annoying that it's not as pretty as it once was. :( I'm not vain about many things, but my hair is one of my greatest insecurities. I miss it being thick and lovely.

-- I miss my Stephanie. I miss my Kim. I miss Texas. I miss Houston. I miss Blue Bell Ice Cream. I miss phone calls with songs at the other end. I miss Broadway shows. I miss Galveston. I miss Tex-Mex food. I miss Whataburger. I miss a lot of things.

-- Last week, I had a random contemplation of contacting a very old, long gone friend. I think maybe it is missing someone else, and the conflict with another friend which resembled greatly the long-gone one. After 4 years of not even speaking, or being a part of one another's life...how bizarre would it be for me to knock on his proverbial door after all this time. yeah, it won't happen but...it was a thought.

-- Went back to listening to the Twilight Breaking Dawn Part I soundtrack. That is sincerely one of my favorite collections of music ever. The music is just stunning. Beautiful. Haunting. There's something that draws you in, and holds you mesmerized into the musical landscape it creates. It holds a lot of personal memories for me...and they are happy memories. So something about listening makes me content.

-- Contemplating a new series of Blogs...."you made me better." ...after watching Rose & The Doctor's last interaction in Season 4...I think it might be time to evaluate how I was made better from my encounters with people in this life. It's stewing and it's going to be a beasty to write, I'm sure.

-- My friend, Aimee is getting married in just about 10 days. I'm so excited for her. She's just a beautiful spirit, heart and friend. I can't wait to hear news of her lovely new beginning. So excited. My heart rejoices with her and her beloved. I wish I could be in Indiana on the 5th of August.

-- Stray thoughts might become a regular thing...it's like a mental dumping onto my blog :)

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