Gratitude and Grace
I didn't intentionally forget to write about what I'm thankful for on New Year's....I just got busy. Seems to be my life right now. Church being on New Year's Day meant I was gone most of the day and then had plans in the evening, that cheered me considerably. Monday and Tuesday were unexpectedly busy as is today. But I've garnered a few moments of quiet to type up some things that I'm thankful for from the past year and for the coming year.
So, as 2011 is over and 2012 is beginning, I'm thankful for....
...growth...
This year was a challenge. I found myself at the end of 2011 in the same heart-place as I was mid April. The difference was my response. Emotionally, I still hurt and I'm still sad. But I am not without hope nor without great trust in God in it. He showed me Himself in big ways in the months that followed April and I trust He will again. My closest friends and family have noted the vast difference in response. I"m thankful for that. I'm thankful that God's movement in me has made this possible.
...fairy tales...
After this year, the former me would have been tempted to say that fairy tales and love and happiness are impossibilities, and something I'll never get a chance to have. But, here I stand on the precipice of 2012 and thinking, "Fairy Tales are possible and alive in my heart and dreams." My sweet mama reminded me that God would not have placed desires in my heart that He intends to leave unfulfilled. So, some day, even if it's not now, and not how I wanted it to happen...God will come through for me.
...psalm 145...
If there's been any powerful thread in my spiritual journey this year, it's been God showing me how to set my eyes on Him repeatedly. In pure faith for healing, for redemption of dead places, forgiveness of sin, repaired relationships, or blossoming of new things in my life...I have knelt my heart before him and said "YOU are Big. YOU are able. YOU are beyond my comprehension." - And He hasn't proven anything but those things and much MUCH more. It began with praying through Psalm 145 in late February. Not a day goes by that I don't find the words of that Psalm echoing in my heart. Today, again I find "Great is the Lord and highly to be Praised, and His greatness is unsearchable" -- resounding. I'm thankful for this Psalm, and what praying through it for 3 months did for my heart.
...music...
I know I write how thankful I am for music and how much I love it frequently. But it is sincerely the blood that my heart and tears bleed. This year, music walked me through love, deep grief, brokenness, healing, joy, elation, death, life and everything in between. It wasn't different than any other year, except that in some moments, even in joyous moments, music was a pure lifeline or outpouring of my very existence. Whether it was the months I would blast Mumford & Sons into my ears while I was punishing my body, or standing on the top of a Volcano singing songs of redemption to myself or whispering love songs to my heart in the quiet star-filled nights of autumn, or letting songs of worship pour over me while I bowed with my face to the floor in tears...this year was a year that Music spoke for me the way I know words can.
...brothers & sisters...
We talk about community at Blue Ridge all the time. And sometimes I wonder if talking about it doesn't short circuit the happening of it sometimes. But in this year, I found brothers and sisters gathering around me in the most beautiful ways. Women who love me for who I am, defend me when I need it and brothers who surprised me with their gentle care in ways that I think even they don't realize. The list has grown so long and it's beautiful. I'm so happy to know these men and women and welcome the coming year with them in my corner. I can't wait for whomever God brings into my life in 2012!
...hope....
I know too many people who place hope in a circumstance, or an event or anticipation of something good in their life. Wrong. Hope doesn't come from circumstance anymore than real joy does. Truth is...hope has already come in the form and person of Jesus Christ. Place your Hope on that and you will not be disappointed. Life does suck. Bumps, bruises and pain happen, but Hope...that's a flame that one can hold onto in dark times because Christ is light and the promise of restored life - even if it doesn't mean in this life. Restoration and redemption WILL come. I'm thankful for that. And knowing it keeps me so balanced and centered when things get rough and for that, I'm even more thankful.
...so much more....
I could list thousands upon thousands of things and people that I'm thankful for. But it'd be too long and you wouldn't want to read it. But, I promise, if you ever asked, I'd tell you in person...and what I'd tell you is gratitude has the power to change you. This year, try it. Make 2012 a year of gratitude, a determination to change your perspectives. For me, I've been on this journey for years and I'm ready for 2012 to be another year of gratitude in new ways. :)
So, as 2011 is over and 2012 is beginning, I'm thankful for....
...growth...
This year was a challenge. I found myself at the end of 2011 in the same heart-place as I was mid April. The difference was my response. Emotionally, I still hurt and I'm still sad. But I am not without hope nor without great trust in God in it. He showed me Himself in big ways in the months that followed April and I trust He will again. My closest friends and family have noted the vast difference in response. I"m thankful for that. I'm thankful that God's movement in me has made this possible.
...fairy tales...
After this year, the former me would have been tempted to say that fairy tales and love and happiness are impossibilities, and something I'll never get a chance to have. But, here I stand on the precipice of 2012 and thinking, "Fairy Tales are possible and alive in my heart and dreams." My sweet mama reminded me that God would not have placed desires in my heart that He intends to leave unfulfilled. So, some day, even if it's not now, and not how I wanted it to happen...God will come through for me.
...psalm 145...
If there's been any powerful thread in my spiritual journey this year, it's been God showing me how to set my eyes on Him repeatedly. In pure faith for healing, for redemption of dead places, forgiveness of sin, repaired relationships, or blossoming of new things in my life...I have knelt my heart before him and said "YOU are Big. YOU are able. YOU are beyond my comprehension." - And He hasn't proven anything but those things and much MUCH more. It began with praying through Psalm 145 in late February. Not a day goes by that I don't find the words of that Psalm echoing in my heart. Today, again I find "Great is the Lord and highly to be Praised, and His greatness is unsearchable" -- resounding. I'm thankful for this Psalm, and what praying through it for 3 months did for my heart.
...music...
I know I write how thankful I am for music and how much I love it frequently. But it is sincerely the blood that my heart and tears bleed. This year, music walked me through love, deep grief, brokenness, healing, joy, elation, death, life and everything in between. It wasn't different than any other year, except that in some moments, even in joyous moments, music was a pure lifeline or outpouring of my very existence. Whether it was the months I would blast Mumford & Sons into my ears while I was punishing my body, or standing on the top of a Volcano singing songs of redemption to myself or whispering love songs to my heart in the quiet star-filled nights of autumn, or letting songs of worship pour over me while I bowed with my face to the floor in tears...this year was a year that Music spoke for me the way I know words can.
...brothers & sisters...
We talk about community at Blue Ridge all the time. And sometimes I wonder if talking about it doesn't short circuit the happening of it sometimes. But in this year, I found brothers and sisters gathering around me in the most beautiful ways. Women who love me for who I am, defend me when I need it and brothers who surprised me with their gentle care in ways that I think even they don't realize. The list has grown so long and it's beautiful. I'm so happy to know these men and women and welcome the coming year with them in my corner. I can't wait for whomever God brings into my life in 2012!
...hope....
I know too many people who place hope in a circumstance, or an event or anticipation of something good in their life. Wrong. Hope doesn't come from circumstance anymore than real joy does. Truth is...hope has already come in the form and person of Jesus Christ. Place your Hope on that and you will not be disappointed. Life does suck. Bumps, bruises and pain happen, but Hope...that's a flame that one can hold onto in dark times because Christ is light and the promise of restored life - even if it doesn't mean in this life. Restoration and redemption WILL come. I'm thankful for that. And knowing it keeps me so balanced and centered when things get rough and for that, I'm even more thankful.
...so much more....
I could list thousands upon thousands of things and people that I'm thankful for. But it'd be too long and you wouldn't want to read it. But, I promise, if you ever asked, I'd tell you in person...and what I'd tell you is gratitude has the power to change you. This year, try it. Make 2012 a year of gratitude, a determination to change your perspectives. For me, I've been on this journey for years and I'm ready for 2012 to be another year of gratitude in new ways. :)
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