There's a phrase my mom utters often that says "God is not the author of confusion." I agree with that. But is God the author of being unsettled? Sometimes, I think He is. But figuring out if He's the author of this unsettled feeling in my heart this week is hard.
Something isn't right. Something isn't aligned quite right. It could be me personally. It could be life in general. I told my mom this weekend that this could simply be a standard two-year itch I get to experience something change-like. Yet, I can't really see this being true, since I moved a few months ago and experienced some rather large life changes with my parents moving to town, and moving into their basement.
Maybe it's just hormonal. There's no question in my mind that I really would like to just sit down and cry tonight and I have no real reason for it. Except maybe I feel slightly disconnected from everyone around me.
It's like the all the pistons in the car are firing but the dang thing isn't going anywhere. No one seems to have any wisdom to offer, no one can help me sort through it, and even more, I feel like people are slowly disengaging from me on every level. The question might become, am I disengaging from people and that's the cause?
I'm not sure how to tie this theologically to life right now. I just needed to state that categorically, I feel unsettled. I need some peace. So I'm going to set my mind on the fact that the Creator of the Universe is my Strong Tower, He is the Prince of Peace and holds my heart fast. And tonight, I'm going to tell my heart to be Still and know that He is God.
Striving needs to cease, and maybe the unsettled feelings will go away.