After this last week, I've spent some time talking to God and meditating on Sovereignty. Miriam-Webster defines Sovereignty as "a controlling influence, or having freedom from external control/Autonomous." That's pretty intense if you think about it. We say that we believe in God's Sovereignty. But we often fail to recognize his lack of need of help from external "help."
In word, we say we accept and desire God's "controlling influence" on our lives, but in practice, when the rubber meets the road, we often do not respond well when His influence graciously is exerted upon our lives. But the beauty of God's mercy is that in each case, if we are teachable, and yield to His refinement through the process of his Sovereign hand at work - through hard things, we change. Character develops, depth of spirit grows, heart softens, and a plethora of other advantages if we only remain malleable.
Personally, I've walked through some very difficult things. Letting go of things we love is never easy, walking away from something you feel called to do is never easy. But here's the thing, ten years ago - had I found myself in this place, I would have kicked and screamed for a few weeks, fought tooth and nail to stay put, digging my heels to in hang on with an iron grip. Reflecting on the fact that this time it only took a matter of days for me to identify God's clear path, and respond in immediate obedience - even if it wasn't what I really was hoping for - reminded me that some things do, indeed change. And I asked God to keep me forever teachable, forever growing in what new directions He's going to take me.
I just looked up the word malleable and it is defined as "having a capacity for adaptable change." Wow. I want that. I want to have a capacity for adaptable change. I want to remain teachable. I want to remain softened to God's voice, His will. Most of all, I want to remain obedient to what He says. I want to go when He says go, I want to stay when He says stay, and I want to let go of the things He says to let go of, regardless of what it may cost me. Because I know that in the end, what I fear it might cost me is really for naught because of what He will ultimately replace it with. There is NOTHING I can hang on to that God will not replace with something better if he's asking me to let it go.
From where I sit, a week later - I recognize that there isn't anything I'd change about the last week. And as I sit looking at some huge unknowns for me (seems to be a recurring theme in my life), I contemplate Isaiah 64:4:
"Since ancient times, no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him..."
He is capable of far more than I can fathom. Ephesians reminds me that He holds in store for me things I cannot even think or imagine. And so, with unknown before me - I can't see it as a bad thing when I know there's something unfathomable waiting for me, and a God who is outside of external control, he is the Supreme control and what greater thing to trust? Nothing, I'd say. Nothing at all.