How We Escape the Goblin Kings of this World, Pt 2

The last several months getting to know these women with a shared experience has been awe inspiring. I got to stand by in wonder and watch an incredible sisterhood of healing happen. I watched each one bare their hearts to me and I felt so undeserving of such beauty, grace and incredible friendship. We have cried together. We have laughed together. We have shared pain, healing, sorrow, joy, love & life together. This has been the most beautiful gift of all. 

I remember the first time I saw the face of today's guest blogger. Two things crossed my mind: 1) She is so beautiful. Not in a jealous way, but in a true admiration of a woman of radiant beauty. 2) Dear Jesus, please do NOT let GK do to her what he did to me! And my heart cracked into a thousand pieces when he I realized he was still contacting me (even though I was married) while he was initiating a relationship with her and continued on during the duration of his time with her. It broke my heart.

What I did want over those months was to reach out to this gal and tell her to run away. 
I refrained because wisdom taught me from my own experience with a gal who had tried to ward me off of GK early on (you'll meet her soon too) didn't go over well for what could have been a friendship. I knew what he was telling her. He'd done it to me. He was telling her that I was crazy, etc. He would be carrying on with how much I'd hurt him and play victim to his narrative of my cruelty.  

As an aside: I need to add that he's doing this again to me - Three years later, because of  what I've written. He's saying I'm "not over" him or telling a version of a story that I have mental problems. Truth telling isn't a mental issue, folks. And yes, it's uncomfortable, but as you read the story below, remember what Anne Lamont said, "You own everything that's ever happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."  For women like us - who lost our voice in a relationship with people like GK - healing comes from telling the story. Survivors of this kind of abuse must be allowed freedom to speak. This is why I've given each of these gals a space to speak.  

This incredible woman - who has now become a dear friend while sharing her heart and healing journey with me -was a reminder what would have happened had GK lived near me. The damage he's done to her is devastating. And how much my heart wishes I could have helped. I couldn't. So, I waited. And then....when I wrote the original post -  I had waited because I didn't want to write about him. I wanted to lift women like her, help her find the voice I knew had been stolen. So here it is.  

This amazing woman, Amory - a writer, scientist, brilliant shining light of love, friendship and beauty - I couldn't be more grateful to get to know her. Here's her story, I think you'll come to adore her as much as I do:

I’m Amory and I’m the most recent GK ex. Of course he probably wouldn’t say that as he would never officially call me his girlfriend unless it suited what he wanted on any particular day. Turns out that was a pattern with him…part of a much larger pattern that I likely would have remained ignorant to if it weren’t for the original GK post.

When I first met him it was through a mutual friend (C from the original blog post). He seemed funny, charming, and intelligent. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but we hit it off spectacularly on our first couple “dates”. Within a week we were talking on the phone every night and seeing each other several times a week. I was smitten. He knew all the right things to say: how he thought I was beautiful with or without makeup, how I didn’t need to go to the gym because I was gorgeous at my current size, or how he loved how smart I was or how tender my heart was. It wasn’t long before I opened up and told him things about my own insecurities and my past that I hadn’t shared with anyone else. And he embraced me for who I was with open arms.

Then he stabbed me in the back.

It didn’t take very long until he became moody and alternated between begging me to drop everything to come spend time with him to chastising me for calling him too much because he was an introvert and just needed his space. Apparently his space included spending time with a girl he claimed was just a friend and that he would “never in a million years date”. I’ll give you three guesses who this girl is in the original post… I could write thousands of words on how he used this girl against me by telling me he loved me and then spending time with her to make me jealous. I could also tell you all the nasty things he (and his family) said to me about this girl when he was trying to keep me entangled in his web.

I would like to say I simply walked away from all that, and I guess ultimately I did. But it wasn’t that simple. In February 2016 I went through some traumatic events in my life during which he was both flippant (because we weren’t talking about him as much) and supportive (because the job I was leaving was a status symbol he used when he wanted to brag he was dating a brilliant scientist). I don’t believe he honestly cared about those events in my life at all beyond the extent they would affect him. He proved that by telling me he was developing feelings for the above mentioned girl and was trying to decide if he wanted to date her or me. He thought he would try her out for a bit while I got my life in order and lost weight…yep, he told me that if I lost weight while he was off dating her then we could get together again. That was the last straw.

He chose her and I chose myself. Because as devastating as that was for me I definitely felt like I could take the first deep breath I had in a while. I won’t pretend that didn’t hurt me to the core. 2016 was a year of incredible pain and trials for me, but God used them to cleanse my heart and begin the healing process. I just didn’t know what a process that would be until I read Amanda’s post.

Right before C sent me the link to the post, GK had been trying to get back into my life. After a year with his current girlfriend, he started calling and texting me and even went so far as to drop a present off at my house (not a birthday or holiday present, but a “just because” present). He said multiple times he wanted to meet me for coffee but of course never followed through. But all that came to a head when he called me one night to tell me that his girlfriend had broken up with him and he needed to talk to me. Yep, I’ll let that one sink in for a minute. Hopefully you find that as laughable as I did. He told me how much pain he was in and how much it heart to pour your heart out to someone who not only wouldn’t love you back but was “incapable of love”. I told him, strangely enough, I knew exactly how that felt.

The next week was a roller coaster of him texting me, calling me, and trying to restart a “friendship” with me. He told me how much he’d cried over me and how much he’d missed me.

Then I read the blog post.

And everything rang so true to me that I just sat there with my mouth open for what felt like ages. Because the cycle was all there: the love-bombing, the triangulation, the cold shoulder, the telling me I was crazy for being “jealous” of his relationships with other girls, that all his ex’s were crazy and not over him. It was Narcissism 101. As if he’d had a handy guide to follow while dismantling my self-esteem and mental well-being. For me, that’s when healing truly began. When I connected with Amanda and C I saw the GK for what he truly was and began to realize that I wasn’t crazy and I wasn’t beyond loving.

I’d like to say I’m all healed up for this ordeal, but that wouldn’t be true. I have more good days than bad now, but I sometimes hear his voice in my head preying on those insecurities. I wonder if I’ll ever have the courage to trust another man with my heart. And I wonder how I could have been so fooled by this boy. But I’m so thankful to God for bringing these new friends into my life. They have reminded me time and time again that real queens fix each others crowns. And they have. They have encouraged me, laughed with me, and prayed for me in ways I could have never dreamed of.

I see now why the GK put so much energy into discrediting his ex’s. Because we are powerful when we are together and see the truth of him. He told each girl the other was crazy, stalkerish, or just plain not good enough for him. How wrong he was. The best thing I could say about him is he had fabulous taste in women. All the ex’s I’ve had the privilege of talking to are gorgeous, intelligent, funny, passionate, and have a heart for Jesus. And I’m proud to keep company with them.



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