End of the Year Ponderings
2011. I am not feeling particularly sad to see it go. It's been a long, difficult and trying year. It's also been a year of growth, change and overturning. It still is in its own way. I usually post at the end of each year, about things I've learned, or enjoyed about the year. This year...I just have some observations and humbling hurts I'm walking in. All in all, though I'm still a thankful girl that this year happened (I know, that sounds crazy) but I'm ready to move on with 2012...and hope that it's a far cry happier than this one. Here are some end of the year thoughts from me.
* Hurt and pain are a place where God meets me unlike most other circumstances. I can look back at the darkest months of this year and know that it was God's grace and presence that sustained me, even when I didn't see or feel it.
* Maybe it's too much to ask for God to give a happy year. But I'm going to keep asking. And I'm going to keep being thankful in the really hard places too. Because even when things are hard and places inside hurt like you'd rather be numb, God is still God and I'm still His and that, above all is something to take joy in.
* No one can steal my happiness. Even right now, when it's hard to see good in some circumstances, I have found my center, my inner happy and let it "burn out" the rest of it. People will betray you, walk away, choose to leave, and pretty much let you down everyday....but I have a Savior, a Friend and Great god who fills places in me that are broken, hurt and pours Himself into them...and that, my friends is where my happy is.
* Nothing turns out like you expect. This is a lesson I learned over the last decade. Every body's journey is different. Mine is more unexpected than most. The things I hoped for are still on a shelf of dreams, the things I've been close to having are never more than a moment, and ultimately....it just all isn't what you think will happen. That's not always a bad thing, but it is sure something I'm learning not to fight.
* Laughter is the best medicine. I know that's cliche, but a week of laughter and silliness in a 3rd world country mended my very broken self. Laughter found me in this week and renewed a dying light and ultimately...it's just the place where I come to life, become the me that is really me. I feel more like myself when I'm laughing with friends than any other time.
* Being a grown up sucks sometimes. I remember when I was a kid, I wanted to be a grown up. Now that I"m a grown up, I wish I was a kid. This year, knowing some people who are still free to be as free as children...without grown up responsibility...I am a bit jealous...but also realizing that life is life and grown ups are grown ups and children are children. While sometimes, I wish for the carefree days of my "childhood", I am thankful that I have a grown up heart.
*Redemption and Resurrection are the most powerful things anyone can experience. It breaks my heart that people cannot accept forgiveness, grace and let God redeem and resurrect dead places in their lives. For me, I've learned to go running each morning to those places and let God rush over sin, hurt, brokenness and unfulfilled dreams. It's the best way to start your day and move towards God.
*Music is powerful. Another cliche, but nothing more true. It evokes memory, feeling, hope, comfort, and beauty all at the same time. I love lyrics, I love melody and I love how it breathes in my soul.
*Tomorrow, I'll be posting things I'm thankful for, but what I learned about gratitude this year is....the same thing I always know....Gratitude is a place to find your happy. It's the place that you retain the perspective that life is not as bad as you might think. I'm thankful for gratitude, I'm thankful for....so much. I can' wait to write tomorrow's post. So much, I might actually write it today. :)
* Good bye 2011, you may kindly take your toys and go to hades. I'm ready for 2012.
* Hurt and pain are a place where God meets me unlike most other circumstances. I can look back at the darkest months of this year and know that it was God's grace and presence that sustained me, even when I didn't see or feel it.
* Maybe it's too much to ask for God to give a happy year. But I'm going to keep asking. And I'm going to keep being thankful in the really hard places too. Because even when things are hard and places inside hurt like you'd rather be numb, God is still God and I'm still His and that, above all is something to take joy in.
* No one can steal my happiness. Even right now, when it's hard to see good in some circumstances, I have found my center, my inner happy and let it "burn out" the rest of it. People will betray you, walk away, choose to leave, and pretty much let you down everyday....but I have a Savior, a Friend and Great god who fills places in me that are broken, hurt and pours Himself into them...and that, my friends is where my happy is.
* Nothing turns out like you expect. This is a lesson I learned over the last decade. Every body's journey is different. Mine is more unexpected than most. The things I hoped for are still on a shelf of dreams, the things I've been close to having are never more than a moment, and ultimately....it just all isn't what you think will happen. That's not always a bad thing, but it is sure something I'm learning not to fight.
* Laughter is the best medicine. I know that's cliche, but a week of laughter and silliness in a 3rd world country mended my very broken self. Laughter found me in this week and renewed a dying light and ultimately...it's just the place where I come to life, become the me that is really me. I feel more like myself when I'm laughing with friends than any other time.
* Being a grown up sucks sometimes. I remember when I was a kid, I wanted to be a grown up. Now that I"m a grown up, I wish I was a kid. This year, knowing some people who are still free to be as free as children...without grown up responsibility...I am a bit jealous...but also realizing that life is life and grown ups are grown ups and children are children. While sometimes, I wish for the carefree days of my "childhood", I am thankful that I have a grown up heart.
*Redemption and Resurrection are the most powerful things anyone can experience. It breaks my heart that people cannot accept forgiveness, grace and let God redeem and resurrect dead places in their lives. For me, I've learned to go running each morning to those places and let God rush over sin, hurt, brokenness and unfulfilled dreams. It's the best way to start your day and move towards God.
*Music is powerful. Another cliche, but nothing more true. It evokes memory, feeling, hope, comfort, and beauty all at the same time. I love lyrics, I love melody and I love how it breathes in my soul.
*Tomorrow, I'll be posting things I'm thankful for, but what I learned about gratitude this year is....the same thing I always know....Gratitude is a place to find your happy. It's the place that you retain the perspective that life is not as bad as you might think. I'm thankful for gratitude, I'm thankful for....so much. I can' wait to write tomorrow's post. So much, I might actually write it today. :)
* Good bye 2011, you may kindly take your toys and go to hades. I'm ready for 2012.
I've always believed that happiness is a choice. The devil can throw whatever crap he can, but ultimately God gives us the choice to rejoice in it. It took me a long time (and counseling) to realize that. I'm glad that 2011 is over for you.
ReplyDeleteHere's to a kick ass 2012!