Being like Jesus
I’m done trying. I don’t want to try to become like Jesus. I want to let Jesus become in me as I lean into His word, rest in Him and trust Him for the completion of that.
I’ve noticed something as I go back and back again to the miracles in the book of Mark that Jesus did. No one had to do anything but trust Jesus to do the work of the miracle. Believe that He is capable of changing and healing and making them whole.
Lazarus and the little dead girl had no other responsibility except to be dead.
The blind, lame and sick that Jesus healed were only meant to recognize their state and the desire to let Jesus heal and make them whole. And He did.
From my childhood, I was told “try to be like Jesus” or “be like Jesus.” I found that after 34 years of trying, I was doing a terrible job at it. I need Jesus to become within me. There is nothing I can do to aid the transformation. I let Jesus in, HE does the work.
I’m tired of being judged by what I DO or DO NOT do. I want freedom to wrestle. I want freedom to let Jesus do IN me. I want to wrestle with others and find truth in God's word and world.
I want community but I do not want shackles of expectation. I want family but I do not want a standard of behavior. I want His Kingdom to come within me together with others. Not forced from the outside in.
I want to let Jesus in. I want to let relationships beat with the heartbeat of Jesus. I want to not have to try to force Jesus into places. I want to let Him in, swing open the doors and let him occupy, not shove him into boxes, corners and images.
I want to sit quietly by and let Jesus reveal himself to my heart. I want him to slowly overtake me like a creeping fog or a rushing river - but however He choose to do it, not at the pace I’m told to. Not at the pace evangelicalism tells me I have to. It is about Him, not my performance.
The moment my performance overtakes my resting in Him - the deal is up. It’s where I’ve gotten lost and confused and turned upside down. So I’m done trying. I’m done performing.